Recently, we celebrated the holidays, and Spider-Man* and Bonecrusher*, like any kid, asked for many things. They wanted various toys, games, and gadgets they saw in the countless advertisements bombarding kid-centric entertainment leading up to the holidays.
This has made me think of what are some things that I DO want my sons to have the courage to ask for.
Ask for directions
It is a common stereotype that men do not want to ask for directions. Perhaps we are too proud…perhaps it goes back to the ol’ hunter-gatherer days where we needed to know how to track, hunt, and bring back the buffalo to feed our clan. Regardless, many times, at least a kernel of truth exists within the stereotype.
I want my boys to know that it is OK to stop and ask for directions if you don’t know where you are going. It is better than the alternative of getting lost and/or wasting time. Likewise, it is not impinging on your manhood to ask for directions if you do not understand an assignment or the instructions for a task. This can save you (and usually others as well) confusion.
This is related to the next “Ask”. I want my sons to have the courage to…
Ask for help
No one can do everything on their own. We really do need each other. It takes a strong, wise person to know when they need help. I want my sons to know that it is OK to admit if they are unable to do something on their own and reach out to others. I want them to not internalize a sense of inferiority because they need help with something. We ALL need help. Just ask for it.
Next, I want my sons to know when to…
Ask for patience
There will be times when we should ask each other for patience. “Please be patient with me for/on…” It will happen. Each of us has our own limitations. It may take a little longer for us to do something or understand a concept. We can reach out for help (see above), and we can also ask others for patience as we work on it.
Rather than remaining silent, not doing anything, or falling behind, I want my sons to have the courage to let others know what is going on and ask for patience. This may help lessen confusion and anxiety. As St. Augustine is credited with saying, “Patience is the companion of wisdom.” We all would be wise to seek patience.
“Patience is the companion of wisdom.”
St. Augustine
But, we are not perfect, Finally, it is so important to know when to…
Ask for forgiveness
We will fail others at times. I want my sons to know that a real man can stand up and ask for forgiveness when he has failed someone. I want them to know they should take responsibility for their actions and ask for forgiveness. (For an external blog post on how to teach a child forgiveness, check out this one at PsychCentral. Not every point can be used for all ages, but it is still an interesting resource.)
What are some “asks” you hope your children ask for?
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*Their names have been changed to protect the innocent (or not-so-innocent at times). This is what happens whenever you let little boys decide on nicknames.
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