Day-Storms Studio

My sons, Spider-Man* and Bonecrusher*, are still very young and still have that self-confidence young children often have. You know the type of confidence that gives one the chutzpah, during a pre-school holiday concert, to break out into dance moves that would make Michael Jackson envious.

I admire their self-confidence. I want to encourage them to be self-confident (without becoming arrogant, of course). These boys can sport Spider-Man sunglasses with an Incredible Hulk shirt and Paw Patrol shorts and can take on the world!

If only I can channel some of that self-confidence when approaching a new client or trying to make a marketing pitch, right?

How are ways that we can encourage our kids to be self-confident (again, without being arrogant!)? What are some of the “do”s and “do not”s?

Using activities to build confidence

• DO find out what your kid likes (and does not like)
• DO encourage your kid to participate in what they like
• DO NOT push too hard for your kid to participate in what they hate to do

This does not mean that my boys get out of everything they do not like to do; in fact, we still encourage them to try new activities and to give new activities more than one chance. For example, we live in Florida. Water is everywhere here. Swimming is most definitely a life skill that everyone should know. Both of our sons were enrolled in swim school very, very early. One child could take it or leave it for the most part while the other child absolutely…hated it. He hated swim class. Parent-taught courses in swim school went fine, but he abhorred swim class. We tried small group and even private lesson. Swimming was not his “thing”. He passed his swim tests, and he managed to get through multiple years of swim class; however, he never enjoyed it, regardless of the setting or the instructor. We then agreed it was time (or perhaps even beyond time) to move on from swimming for him.

That same child was fascinated with flips and spinning; he is very sensory-driven. When he was old enough, we took him to a gymnastics class, and he immediately LOVED it! He has done well in gymnastics, and it has been a huge confidence boost to him. His response to gymnastics this past 18 months has been the complete opposite to his experiences with swimming. He tells us about what he is learning, and he wants to practice his skills on his own (oftentimes to the detriment of our furniture).

Dads, we also MUST remember that activities do not have to be sports. Your child may be a budding musician, artist, thespian, dancer, and the list goes on. Encourage them in conversation and in presence in whatever they find interesting.

Watch how you speak

• DO speak words of encouragement to your kid (and to others in front of your kid)
• DO NOT speak harshly or be critical to your kid (or about others in front of your kid)

This can be difficult to practice at times, especially not being critical of others in front of small children. It is so easy to fly off the handle and cut someone down in front of your child rather than either just walk away or say nothing at all. Being critical can demoralize others.

Also, don’t forget how invaluable it is to speak kind words to your kid. Do not assume that they know. They don’t. Build them up.

What are other ways we can encourage self-confidence?